Need Advice Step Son Is Coming to Live With My Husband and I After Being in Rehab for Heroin Addiction….?
Question by Me: Need advice step son is coming to live with my husband and i after being in rehab for heroin addiction….?
My husband and i have been married for about 6 years he has a 13 year old son from a previous relationship. Well his son is coming to live with us he just got out of Rehab for Heroin addiction and his mom wants nothing to do with him at all. Well hubby and i have three son’s of our own 2.4,6 and so as you can imagine i am concerned for there safty and well being but at the same time i also believe in Redemption so to speak everyone makes mistakes and i understand that so i am trying not to hold any preconceived notions about the kid but at the same time never had to really be a step parent to this kid and everything. I mean honestly i am more worried about him relapsing into it because he got into it to begin with because his gf was into it heavily and then she introduced him to it and then she died because of in OD so he got into it heavily trying to block out his pain and everything. Sorry for blabbing i just don’t know what to do with the kid hubby thinks there isn’t a threat and that he will be fine and that we just need to love on him but at the same time i don’t want him here =/. Advice?
Best answer:
Answer by Cougar Death
he will murder all of you in your sleep
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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More Heroine Rehab Information…
Wow, I understand your concern and the spot your in. It’s a tough one with someone so young. He is still a child. I think that your family needs to have some really tough rules for him in a loving manner. He needs to know that if he lives there that he is going to be home when you tell him to, your going to know who he is around and he is going to do his homework, not miss class and be respectful. It’s sad that his mother has given up on him, yes he did something wrong. Heroin is a terribly addictive drug and using it one time can change your life. It’s not that he is a terrible person it’s that he made a terrible choice. Good luck. If he doesn’t follow the house rules then I think foster care is the only other option with people that can deal better with him. It’s hard to lose a child to drugs but it’s also not responsible to let him influence your other children. Such a hard place to be. Good luck and God bless you.
Summon all the compassion and understanding you can, and give him the best ONE chance that you can. Let him know that this is how it will be, you’ll give him everything you can in the world but he has no room at all for relapse or he’s gone. Then you have to educate yourself on signs of relapse, and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Please try not to be too judgmental.. some people like this kid stumble upon crap like this when they’re way too young to make a sound decision about anything. Try to make sure he stays in some sort of counseling, and find out where local NA meetings are held and go with him to them.
Keep your fingers crossed and do your bit to rehabilitate him in the right direction, if necessary through counselling etc. Meanwhile of course, you will have to keep an hawk’s eye on your own kids.
Try your best to be a good mother to this child. It’s obvious his mother has pretty much written him off, and he will need all of the support he can get right now. However, I would closely monitor the situation, and at the first sign of relapse, he would go right back into rehab.
That must be a typo. THIRTEEN coming out of rehab for heroin? HEROIN?!?
Of course you have every reason to be concerned for him and for the other children.
He’s been through a lot and a lot of it is ugly.
I would insist on continuing edcuation and therapy sessions for him.
Personally, I wouldn’t leave him alone with the other children for quite some time yet.
I would loose the “he got into it because of his girlfriend” thinking- he did it. He needs to own up to his behaviour- as do all of you. Free will got him in this position, not her.
Lots of love, for sure, but proceed with caution because he has chosen some tough stuff to get through.
Wait a minute – are you telling me the kid is 13, had a girlfriend who died of an OD, and then was addicted to heroin himself, and has been to rehab, all at only 13 years old? WOW.
Well good luck with that one, just make sure he isn’t still hanging around the people and places he used to and try to keep him busy (hows that saying go, “an idle mind is the devil’s plaything”?) so he doesn’t get bored and start to think about drugs again. And it might not be a good idea to leave money lying around or to leave him alone for too long at a time.
Wow. Uh.. I can totally understand why you don’t want him around the other kids. I also think your husband is living a fantasy if he believes that loving him enough will fix things with this kid.
Before allowing the child to come live with you go to a counselor and have them explain addiction to your husband. Have them explain that love doesn’t fix a thing, if it did his mom would have already fixed him. Have the counselor explain how many rules need to be set into place before allowing this. He’s not going to listen to you and he’s not going to listen to us, but he’ll listen to an expert. Also, open up a dialogue with the counselors at the rehab and see what they say needs to be in place as well. Have them explain all they can to hubby.
This isn’t a 13 year old that is coming to live with you, it’s a heroine addict. It has to be looked at in that way. The child should be going into the next step treatment facility and not coming home right after rehab. They don’t teach you how to live without drugs, they only teach you how to get sober and what your triggers are for using. It isn’t practical in the real world and most who come out of treatment relapse for just that reason. The kid would also have a better chance if he was away from it for 6 months or more than just 2 to 3 months of rehab. One i know about is called “Next Step Rehab” and it’s in Florida. They often say being out of state makes it harder for them to get their hands back on things and gives them more of a fighting chance for the future.
If he ends up in the same school with the same friends he is very likely to relapse, you are right in worrying about that. And this time it could be in front of your children, or he could leave drugs laying around that your younger ones gets their hands on. This is really serious. The residual from heroine alone is damaging!
There are no great answers for you except to get your husband the knowledge he needs from experts as quickly as possible. Also have him talk to those at the rehab place and ask in front of him if a next step program would be better than bringing him home with you right now.
Good luck.
As a parent you want the best and offer the best to your kids. All your husbands kids deserved the same opportunity to grown up in a better environment. When you accepted the ring you accepted the man and what comes along with him. Set rules with your husband for your family safety and development, this including having the 13 yrs old attend free or low cost counseling sessions. This should be monitored by an adult. Tell the minor age son that you and your husband have compassion about what happen with his girlfriend and that it must have been difficult not feeling like he had anyone to turn to except drugs, but he has been given another chance to get it right in life. his new family will give him love, respect and the opportunity to earn and prove that he is worth giving another chance on life. No excuses, no regrets time to do the work and get the benefits of having a family life.Good luck.
You’re going to have to straddle the line between acceptance and firmness. He needs to feel safe, loved, appreciated, and cared for – he also needs to understand that your household comes complete with rules and limits, and that his permanent residence there is not a foregone conclusion.
That said, I would humbly ask you to give the kid everything you’ve got – a Heroin addict at 13 is a scary prospect – but he’s awfully young, and if ever a person had an opportunity to turn their life around, it sure sounds like he’s it. Two parental figures, a house with small children to love him and look up to him, daily family routine – just what the doctor ordered.
I would allow his father to do as much of the discipline as possible, but I would suggest the two of youhave a detailed discussion before he arrives about the rules. What *exactly* they are, what *exactly* the consequences will be if he breaks them. The two of you need to be on the same page, the same line, the same word, lest the 13 year old sees a glimpse of division and starts manipulating to get what he wants. I don’t wish to judge the boy uncharitably, but an addict is an addict, and he’s going to have a very difficult time no matter what.
Be gentle. Be patient. Be willing to put up with a lot of attitude (provided the lines of respect/disrespect aren’t crossed too often). Let him know you care in any small or big way you can. Let him know he has your support, and I think he’ll be ok. And you and your children too.
Best of luck to your family.
in my OPINION, I think the vow you took when you got married should be honored with everything attached to it. There is no fine print or exceptions on your marriage license saying, “I love him BUT….”. I think you are being the better person and seeing the bigger picture with the cause and effect aspect of his mistake. You are showing reasoning and love for him still-if not for the son, then do it for your husband, that you vowed to love through thick and thin.
Your concerns are valid and you want to protect your family but everyone has the right to be given the benefit of the doubt regardless of their past and how many chances they’ve been given to be the person everyone expects them to be. Assumptions can be the demise to any chance of understanding on any level, and without trying to understand the bigger picture, there can not be forgiveness. He can not move on until he knows you have moved on (forgive). He needs that family element at his age of a mother and father. I hope this helps you (and him). It’s only my opinion. Good luck!