Can You Please Proof Read This for Me?
Question by Adam B: Can you please proof read this for me?
My name is Farhan (Faith) Aden. I came to the United States of America in 1999 with my family. I was 14th years old. I came out as gay/transgender to my family, and immediately my family put me out and disowned me. I ended up staying with this strange family, they weren’t strange after all. This family said I can stay with them and finish high school. Miracles do happen. In 2007, I found out that I was HIV positive which was shocking news. I became hopeless and helpless. I thought my life was absolutely over. I was wrong.
I started drinking every day, in other words, alcohol became my best friend. I spent every penny I had on alcohol. If I didn’t have the money to purchase alcohol, I would find a way to get it. Recently, I realized that alcohol was ruined my life and I only had two options, live or die. I chose to live. Today, I have a great sponsor and attend AA meetings. My life has a meaning today. AA has given me real friends and so much of what I have today. Today, I am a recovering alcoholic, and I do not miss alcohol a bit. Thanks to my Higher Power whom watches over me and keeps me sane.
Few months back, I was in chemical dependency treatment, and a prior to my graduation from the program, my counselor asked me if I knew where I was going after treatment, off course my answers was no. He recommended me to go to Whittier Clinic and speak with a social worker. I called the social worker and made an appointment with her in the same week. In short, she told me about Lydia apartments, and said, “I think you will be quality their program. She continued talking and said, I need to get all your medical records and your therapist name and phone #.” I signed releases of information and about a week later, she called me and said, “Faith, this is Theresa, I just wanted to let you know that I have submitted your application to Lydia Apartments.” I said, thank you so much Theresa.
About a week later, I received a phone called from Lydia Apartment, and two days later, I was at Lydia Apartments doing my intake. Then I met Jeremiah, housing manager. Jeremiah helped me tremendously throughout the housing process. He gave me his undivided attention and I can’t thank him enough.
All in all, I am extremely happy that I have found Lydia Apartments. Special thanks to all staff, especially the ones I have worked with. Thank you!
Best answer:
Answer by Danni
You were almost 100% correct.
My name is Farhan (Faith) Aden. I came to the United States of America in 1999 with my family. I was 14 years old. I came out as gay/transgender to my family, and immediately, my family threw me out and disowned me. I ended up staying with a strange family but it turned out that they weren’t strange at all. This family said I could stay with them and finish high school. Miracles do happen. In 2007, I found out that I was HIV positive – which was shocking news. I became hopeless and helpless. I thought my life was absolutely over but I was wrong.
I started drinking everyday (in other words, alcohol became my best friend). I spent every penny I had on alcohol. I didn’t have the money to purchase alcohol, I would find a way to get it.
Recently, I have realized that alcohol was ruining my life and I only had to options: live or die.
I chose to live. Today, I have a great sponsor to attend AA meetings. My life has a meaning today. AA has given me real friends and so much of what I have today. Today, I am a recovering alcoholic, and I do not miss alcohol a bit.
Thanks to my Higher Power – who watches over me and keeps me sane.
A few months back, I was in chemical dependency treatment, and a prior to my graduation from my program. My counsellor asked me if I knew where I was going after treatment – of course, my answer was ‘no’. He recommended me to go to Whittier Clinic and speak with a social worker. I called the social worker and made an appointment with her in the same week. In short, he told me about Lydia apartments and said, “I think you will qualify their program.” She continued talking and said, “I need to get all your medical reports, your therapist’s name and phone.” I signed releases of information and about a week later, she called me and said, “Faith, this is Theresa, I just wanted to let you know that I have submitted your application to Lydia Apartments” I said, “Thank you so much, Theresa!”
I received a phone call from Lydia Apartments and two days later, I was at Lydia Apartments, doing my intake. Then I met Jeremiah,the housing manager. Jeremiah helped me tremendously throughout the housing process. He gave me his undivided attention and I can’t thank him enough.
All in all, I am extremely happy that I have found Lydia Apartments. Special thanks to all staff – especially the ones I have worked with. Thank you!
…I hope this helps. :)
Give your answer to this question below!
Selena Gomez Drinks Alcohol Again After Rehab
A few days after finishing her rehab treatment for drug and alcohol consumption, singer Selena Gómez shared new pictures of her on social networks, which show her drinking what might be an alcoholic beverage. Despite the former Disney girl not …
Read more on Latinos Post
Doctors have reached limit on prescribing medication for heroin withdrawals
… longer can offer one popular kind of medication-assisted rehab. So Beacon Center, a six-facility chain of alcoholism and substance abuse treatment centers, started a program using the opioid Suboxone at its Utica facility in January to address the …
Read more on Utica Observer Dispatch
Heroin Epidemic: Man's suspected overdose death shines light on treatment …
His death raises questions about the availability and complications of long-term treatment programs to a disease that research shows is at its deadliest after a period of sobriety. William Denihan, chief executive officer at Alcohol, Drug Addiction and …
Read more on The Plain Dealer
More Alcohol Treatment Program Information…
“… and immediately my family put me out and disowned me.”
—I would remove “put me out” from this clause. It is sufficient to say that they disowned you. If they’ve disowned you, then it goes with out saying they’ve evicted you.
“I ended up staying with this strange family, they weren’t strange after all.”
—This should be revised. I would make it parenthetical — “I ended up staying with what I thought at the time was a strange family (who turned out to be not so strange).”
“This family said I can stay …”
—In this case, “can” should be used in the past tense. “… said I could stay.”
“In 2007, I found …”
—Because this is a new topic, I would make this the beginning of your second paragraph.
“positive, which”
You need a comma before which.
“I started drinking every day, in other words, alcohol became my best friend.”
—Your punctuation is incorrect here. These are 2 independent clauses that must be separated by a semicolon (e.g. I started drinking every day; alcohol became … — I also would remove “in other words.”).
“I realized that alcohol was ruined my life and I only had two options”
—Your verbs should agree here. It’s either: “I realized that alcohol was ruining my life and there were only two options,” or, “I realized that alcohol had ruined my life and I had …”
“Today,”
—This should be a new paragraph. Today is functioning as a transition to the next topic.
“recovering alcoholic, and … whom”
—Remove ‘and’. It should be “alcoholic, thanks to my higher power who…”
This should be ‘who’, not ‘whom’. Use whom anywhere that you would use the word ‘him’. If you isolate that clause (____ watches over me), you’ll see that the blank space would be better filled by “he” than “him.” Who is a subject pronoun much like he.
“Few months back, I was in chemical dependency treatment, and a prior to my graduation from the program, my counselor asked me if I knew where I was going after treatment, off course my answers was no.”
—This should be, “A few months …” This is a run-on. Make this a new paragraph:
“A few months ago, I was in chemical dependency treatment; and, prior to my graduation from the program, my counselor asked me if I knew where I was going after treatment. OF course my ANSWER was no.”
“He recommended me to go”
—Me is an object pronoun. You are the subject of the clause with ‘to go.’ It should be either “He recommended I go…” or “He recommended that I go.” If you include the conjunction “that,” you’ll see that those are actually 2 separate clauses. Also, don’t use the infinitive form (to go) of go here.
“In short,”
—Remove this. Begin that sentence with ‘She.” Remove the comma before ‘and’ in that sentence.
““I think you will be quality their program.”
—You either want to say “I think you will do well in their program,” or, “I think you will be a good fit for their program.”
“She continued talking said, I ”
—You’re missing a quotation mark before “I”. Always use as few words as possible. It’s best to say, “She continued,”…” Continued is synonymous with “said”.
“your therapist name ”
—This is possessive. It should be either “your therapist’s name …” or “the name and telephone number of your therapist.”
“I signed releases of information and about a week later, she called me and said”
—I signed a release for my medical records, and, about a week later, she called me and said,” …”
““Faith, this is Theresa, I just wanted …”
—This is a comma splice. You can’t join 2 independent clauses with a comma. You must either use a semicolon or a period here (between Theresa and I).
“I said, thank you so much Theresa.”
—You’re missing the opening quotation mark. I also would consider revising this. Since this is being written from your point of view, it is sufficient to say “I thanked her.” You don’t need to quote yourself.
“About a week later, I received a phone called from Lydia Apartment, and, two days later, I was at Lydia Apartments doing my intake.”
—Because there is more than one apartment in the complex, apartments should be plural. There should be a comma after “and.”
“Special thanks to all staff”
—This is incomplete. You want to say either “I’m grateful (thankful) to THE staff” or “I’d like to thank the staff.”
Good job!. There were small errors, but nothing major
My name is Farhan (Faith) Aden. I came to the United States of America in 1999 with my family. I was 14th years old. I came out as gay/transgender to my family, and immediately my family put me out and disowned me. I ended up staying with this family who I thought were strange; however, they turned out not to be strange at all. they weren’t strange after all. This family said I could stay with them so that I could finish high school. Miracles do happen.
In 2007, I found out that I was HIV positive which was shocking news. I became hopeless and helpless; I thought my life was absolutely over; but fortunately, I was wrong. I started drinking every day; in other words, alcohol became my best friend. I spent every penny I had on alcohol. If I didn’t have the money to purchase alcohol, I would find another way to get it. I realized that alcohol was ruining my life and I only had two options: live or die. I chose to live.
I attended Alcohol Anonymous (AA) and I have a great sponsor. My life has a meaning today. AA has given me real friends and so much of what I have. I am now a recovering alcoholic, and I do not miss alcohol a bit, thanks to my Higher Power, who watches over me and keeps me sane.
A few months back, I was in chemical dependency treatment; and, prior to my graduation from the program, my counselor asked me if I knew where I was going after treatment. Of course my answer was no. He recommended that I go to Whittier Clinic and speak with a social worker. I called the social worker and made an appointment with her in the same week. Essentially, she told me about Lydia apartments. She said, “I think you will be able to *qualify* for their program; she then continued, “I need to get all your medical records and your therapist’s name and phone #.” I signed a release, and about a week later, she called me and said, “Faith, this is Theresa; I just wanted to let you know that I have submitted your application to Lydia Apartments.” I thanked her emphatically.
About a week later, I received a phone called from Lydia Apartments, and two days later, I was at Lydia Apartments doing my intake. Then I met the housing manager, Jeremiah. He helped me tremendously throughout the housing process. He gave me his undivided attention for which I can’t thank him enough.
All in all, I am extremely happy that I have found Lydia Apartments, thanks to all staff, especially those I have worked with. Thank you!
*Im not sure if you mean ‘you will do well in their program’, that it’s ‘a good program’; or ‘you will be eligible'(i.e. qualify)I can’t tell by the context whether you mean to say qualiTy as in good or qualiFy as in eligible).*
Nice job. You need to be careful with verb tenses and subject verb agreement. Also, you should learn how to use semicolons and colons. There were none in your original, yet several places need them. There were several comma splices (minor error — that’s where semicolons come in) and you had a couple of run-ons (that’s worse than a comma splice). The only other problem is that you left off indefinite articles (a/an) in one or two spots. Articles aren’t required for all nouns; you need to memorize when to use them (articles also include the definite article ‘the).
If English is a 2nd language for you, then you are very close to mastering it. If you focus on the errors that I’ve mentioned, your English will be flawless!
The 1st answer has several errors. The 2nd answer is acceptable, but it is confusing