Im Dating an Acholic and My Daughter Hates Him What Should I Do?
Question by zoe: Im dating an acholic and my daughter hates him what should I do?
i started dating a man a few months ago and from the get- go my daughter called it bad news. she is sixteen and is very opinionated so i brushed it off and continued because it was just a casual relationship. i knew he was an active acholic but i didnt think it mattered because we were just having fun. due to past chemistry we hit it off really fast and before i knew it i was completely in love with him. he is now in rehab trying to get sober and i think that its okay to still see him because he is getting better. my daughter hates him and has begged me to leave him but since he is getting better i don’t think that it is necessary. she says that she feels left alone and cant see a future place for him in our family. i think that she is old enough to allow me too go about my adult business with out throwing her self into the situation. i have distanced my kids from him and they have only met him twice. he was drunk both times which contributes to my daughters animosity towards him. i don’t know if i should just leave him because my daughter will never be happy with him in our lives or to continue and play it out.
Best answer:
Answer by Rupinder Singh
He is bad news
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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Dump his ass! Never choose a relationship (especially with a drunk) over your daughter! Find a good guy that your daughter won’t mind.
I can give you some insite from your daughters point of view, since my mother was a single parent and i was the oldest of her children i always gave her advice. My mother did the smilar thing, she started to date a guy all three of us didnt like. He had no job, no car, and drank alot. He “got better” by getting a job and whatnot but it was still not enough. I rememeber my senior year of high school one christmas she spent the night at his house that christmas eve and she was not there for christmas morning. All three of us were mad, so we opened the presents with out her. She was with him for two years and in that time I left with home when i was 17, my brother moved away from her to his fathers, and my sister got pregnant under her roof at 18. I honestly think you should leave him, at the very least talk to your daughter, dont get mad or fight with her, if she starts yelling she is just projecting her feelings. Good luck :)
I would take a step back, not be too serious with him. Let him have space to find himself as a sober man and let your daughter have time to accept him as the man you see underneath. This isn’t a fast process and there is no need to rush things.
The question you might end up asking yourself is; who is more important: him or her? It sounds like her and the choice to give him some time to rediscover himself might hel you decide how important this is to you.
Ultimately, if you still feel the same way and he’s as great as you believe, your daughter will like him.
You did not start Your relationship out the right way and you ae not setting a good example for your daughter, and you are placing a wedge between you and her. If you start out just having sex with some one it is Very hard to turn it into a lasting relationship. you are mostly caught up in the lust of a new relationship which can only last about 2 years at the most, then the sex gets old and you are stuck with some one who may ar may not be a a drunk. You will most likely break it off with him at that time, but the damage that is done between you and your daughter may not be able to be repaired. If you are going to be with another man who is not her father, it should be a man who you take time to get to know, and that can get to know your daughter not some one that you have to shield or hide from her.Most people who are alcoholics do not stop drinking. I worked in a homeless shelter with a drug and alcohol program for 10 years.
My wife is in a similar situation. Her mother married an man that is a alcoholic and she sacrifices her daughter all of the time for this man. This man has ruined the mother daughter relationship and my wife is very close to being done with her mother. Don’t make the same mistake her mother has made. My wife hates this man just like your daughter hates your BF. Leave him while you still have your daughter because it will only get worst. My wife and her mother have a off again on again relationship and sometimes go months without talking because of this person. Now as we are starting to plan to possibly have our first child my wife told her mother she will never bring the grand-babies to her home since she has married this man and if she mentions him to them then she will never let her see them again.
Honey, I am a 20+ yr. sober alcoholic. Got sober thru AA. I feel this IS one big step for him to first admit he has a problem with alcohol, BUT the very BEST thing is that he’s doing something positive about it. Alcoholism is an addictive, cunning, progressive killer disease. If not treated, over time it WILL just keep getting worse & worse. My ex husband also is an alcoholic. Went to AA, umpteen detoxes & umpteen 28 day programs. He just couldn’t/wouldn’t stay stopped. Just found out 35 yrs. later, he just did 1 yr. in jail for 7 DUIs!!! He is STILL drinking. I also attended Alanon along with AA. This IS where I HIGHLY suggest you go. Go to a few mtgs. & see if you don’t feel at home with those great folks. They will help you all they can if you want & ask for help. Your daughter should also attend a few mtgs. with you. Let her also learn about the disease & also hear how others have been helped & of those whose spouses etc. have also stopped drinking. I so strongly urge you to go. IF he’s going to be going to AA mtgs. which are a MUST IF he wants/hopes to stay sober. You could be of support to him thru “your program”. I’ve often said, AA saved my life, Alanon saved my sanity. Please do go & get the help you’ll need & see if your daughter is willing to go with you also for her own sake. I so trust ALLL works out for the BEST for ALL of you, honey…:)